My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
