There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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