I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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