I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
