Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
