i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
