You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
