It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
