Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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