At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
