isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
