We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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