Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
