mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
