he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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