she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
