the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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