im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
