i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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