walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
