so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
