I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I didn't notice because vodka
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
