She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
