Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is Oprah even human
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
