It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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