My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
