I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
