We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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