Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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