I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
