Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
