I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
