I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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