He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
