Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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