In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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