my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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