Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
