It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
