theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
