We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
