The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
