i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
