That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
