Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
