a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
