she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
