i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What a dumb baby whore.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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