Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
