If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
